Ah, dear reader, there are some minutiae of a pug’s life better left unspoken, but there are, of course, always exceptions to the rule. In this instance I would feel remiss if I didn’t recount, with some degree of both embarrassment and pride, the most recent of events.
I do not pretend to understand the physiology of a pug but I do know when there is an excess accumulation of methane gas, it must be released. I have no idea why this morning found me suffering so from this affliction. I ate nothing unusual yesterday, and if fact, enjoyed one of the most relaxed and indolent of days with my mom. We spent it lazing on the couch, watching movies and napping, wrapped in a cocoon of love and warmth. This morning, however, my flatulence probably surpassed any I have ever experienced in my life…surprising even yours truly. For those of you who would rather not hear the somewhat graphic details, I would advise you to close this entry now. For the rest of you with prurient interest and curiosity, read on, but please forgive the slightly distasteful nature of this expose.
Mom bundled us up for our morning outing and as we were ambulating briskly along Clinton Street, I let loose such forceful wind that two young men, standing outside of their apartment building, exclaimed, “Dude! Did you just hear that dog? I mean, did you hear him? He exploded!” My mom, bless her soul, always quick to rush to my defense, turned toward them and said, “Yeah, right, like the dog did it.”
We continued on our way and much to my astonishment, I again let forth a magnificent detonation, so that there could be no doubt whatsoever as to its source. Mom was horrified but, I also suspect, a bit amused. She felt the need to question its source all the way home.
And so, dear reader, for those of you who might wonder if this old pug is all that he should be, let me assure you that I am still capable of producing the kind of resounding, virile, and highly competitive flatus any man or pug would be proud to claim.
P.S. My eye is healing nicely and Mom freed me of my collar yesterday.