You Can Teach Old Tricks to a New Pug, or I Am Still King of My Castle

For those of you rookie pugs who are just cutting your teeth on the tricks of the pug trade, I am about to offer up a bit of valuable modeling. As a pug who has seen many winters, springs, summers, and falls, and who now finds himself chronologically in the least coveted of those seasons, I offer an interesting exercise in getting what you want while leaving your human speechless.

Let me explain. The other night Dad took Lizzie and me out for our pre-dinner walk, and yes, it was cold, dark, and unwelcoming. I wasn’t my usual jovial, bonhomous self, and I refused to produce anything other than a poor attitude. I really wasn’t quite sure what it was that I wanted, but it certainly wasn’t what was being offered at that particular time. I dragged my unwilling feet, exaggerated my roach spine, and stubbornly resisted any of Dad’s encouragement. A clever pug knows at this crucial point he must take his act up a notch, and a highly effective way of doing this is by suddenly freezing in his tracks, thus causing the walker to be thrown off balance. This should be repeated several times during the journey.  It was not a pleasant return walk for any of us, except that fool Lizzie. She is oblivious, ignorant, and disgustingly cheerful at all times. By the time we reached our apartment Mom was home. Suddenly, I knew what I wanted and needed. All of my pent up frustration and unidentified yearning came together when I saw her face and heard her voice. I needed QT…quality time alone with my mom. When she learned I had done nothing outside, she quickly bustled me out the door again. She had concerns because I had been quite gassy the previous evening from my pizza orgy. Just hearing her inane chatter as we walked along together, without Lizzie, put a spring in my step and a song in my heart. There we were, as in olden times, sharing a cold, crisp night as I located the perfect spot for my deposit. I am both proud and ashamed to say that I produced one of my most manly and pungent specimens in the middle of the sidewalk. The lightening I felt at that point was both literal and metaphorical. I took off running down Clinton Street, ears pulled back, mouth grinning madly, like a crazed young adolescent, leaving my mom gasping in disbelief.

This, young pugs, is how you keep the interest alive in your human relationship, while also getting what you want most…his or her undivided attention and unqualified love.

Respectfully submitted from a wise old pug,

Mason

This is my happiest place in the world. Look at my expression and learn, young pups.