Letting Go, or ____ Happens

From time to time I’ve referred to the infirmities of old age with humor and some degree of delicacy, but in this instance delicacy may not be an option. As most of you know, the aging process for any man or beast is rarely attractive, but with luck, it can at least be somewhat dignified. I am afraid, dear reader, that for yours truly, that metaphorical ship has sailed.

Let me explain. My spine is slowly degenerating, causing my hindquarters great instability and lack of control. Those once powerful and elegant limbs are now taking on the appearance of withered and useless little twigs. With this change has come a further erosion of control in my caboose…the all-important sphincter muscles. While I exert as much manly will as I can muster, there are natural events that are beyond my control at this stage of my life.  Yesterday offered proof, several times, of these failings.

I do wear a man garment (read diaper) at night, lest there be a mishap, and in the morning Dad removes it before taking us out for our walk. The diaper is then put aside until bedtime when it is again donned. Apparently one tidy little nugget had been captured and stored in the garment’s pocket that morning because it rolled out onto the bed in the evening. Mom was not thrilled.

The next morning when Mom took us for our walk, with me tucked under her arm like a football and Lizzie trotting along underneath, I again experienced sphincter failure, and released a barrage of fecal bullets upon Lizzie’s head. Because they are firm and small, there is a ricochet effect when they strike an object, viz. Lizzie’s pea-sized head. I am sure there were people amazed by the spectacle, wondering what new meteorological phenomenon was occurring.

And so, dear reader, while this isn’t earth-shaking news it certainly figures heavily in my narrowly circumscribed world. I hope I’ve offended no one in the telling of this because I only wished to inform you of my downhill progression. Be of good cheer though, since I have no pain, have great energy, and still love food more than anything on earth (forgive me Mom and Dad…not Lizzard though).

Respectfully submitted,

Mason

In the wild, sans diaper, enjoying a manly stroll through the woods this summer.

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12 Comments

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12 responses to “Letting Go, or ____ Happens

  1. sue

    Oh Mason thanks for the chuckle trying to picture it poor Lizzy but it couldn’t be helped dosen’t matter how old you are its how you feel and I must say you do not show your age hugs to you and Lizzie from Sue and the gang

  2. Mason, shame on your for blaming old age and infirmities for your poop attack on Lizzie. I can’t be sure it was an accident, as the timing of Lizzie’s head below your nether parts was entirely too convenient!

  3. Lexie, Chloe & Coco's mommy

    Okay, is it wrong that I laughed at the “barrage of fecal bullets upon Lizzie’s head” part? LOL! Poor Lizzie. Please apologize to her for me, Mason.
    Listen, hang in there. We all get older, and it seems to me that you are doing great and are still the perfect pug gentleman, despite everything.

    I know my girls still have a crush on you, no matter your age or bathroom ailments! 🙂

    • Thank you for all of your kind thoughts. I like to think I am still a dapper kind of guy but it does become increasingly difficult keeping up appearances. I have no intention, however, of giving up the effort.

  4. Kelly has the same spinal problem but we are managing it, I think well. Gizmo and Kelly sleep on my bed. I pick of the balls of shit and dispose of them. Or Gizmo gets them first and eats them. We go for small SLOW walks in the neighbourhood. The best is to go in the stroller on the beachfront where all people smile and pat the dogs on the head. I bought the stroller to give the old dog with the spinal problem quality of life. We have been living with this now for 4 years. Look at the pics on http://docpam.wordpress.com/about/ get one for the old one. If I can buy this kind of stroller in Cape Town, you can surely get one in New York. Be good.

    • Pam…Thank you so much. Mom is considering the stroller purchase (which I really like) as our next step. Your charming photo sold me and the beautiful backdrop of Table Mt. doesn’t hurt either.
      Thanks again for writing…

  5. 2pugsinapod

    Mason,
    Our foster brother Quincy now has a stroller. While spinal degeneration isn’t his issue, he is blind. Now with the stroller, he can come on walks instead of being the only one left at home.
    Here’s a link to our blog post about his stroller. http://southernfriedpugs.blogspot.com/2010/09/those-kind-of-people.html

    Your friends,
    Tallulah and Petunia

  6. Pugsly

    Nice to hear you are handling you aliments with maturity.
    Add us on face book we have lots of new pictures you will enjoy.
    Tell Lizzie she can look too.

  7. Mason, this here is your sympathetic pal, Howie. I am sorry to hear about the diaper situation, myself I have refined my pooping activities into something of a squirty art form lately. Perhaps if you explained the aesthetics and your vision and purpose in these gifts you are leaving, you would be allowed to continue unhindered.
    yours truly,
    Howard Pee

  8. Ahh…poor Mason. My German Shepard had the same thing. Of course, he was a lot more dog to handle at that stage. After many months, he finally looked at me with longing to be let “free” …so with much sadness, we let him go to that great dog heaven above where he is now running and jumping and feeling no sadness or regrets. He will be forever missed and loved! You sound like you still have much spunk left and parents that love you greatly and are taking very good care of you!! Never fear the unknown, my great Pug! Your in our thoughts!

    Trish & Otis

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