What Goes Up Must Come Down, or How Dumb Can One Pug Be?

Just when I think Lizzie has reached maximum capacity for stupidity, she trumps herself! And once again I am reminded of the earth’s incredible and powerful karmic flow; otherwise how could such a life-affirming event occur, bringing yours truly such deep satisfaction?

This weekend brought beautiful weather to Manhattan and afforded us long walks, great naps, and much needed cuddles. On Sunday, Mom decided it would be lovely to mix up some cocktails, grab a couple of succulent marrowbones and go to the roof of our apartment building, just to soak up the warmth of the spring sun. I was certainly game, with my tail twitching madly and my eyes darting about wildly, until Dad uttered the familiar question, “Where is Lizzie?” As I looked about, I quickly realized that Lizzie indeed had gone missing. What joy! What bliss! What unadulterated pleasure! My weekend went from an eight to a ten in seconds flat. The harsh reality, however, quickly reared its ugly head. My parents were frantic with worry and could not possibly ignore the situation. I communicated with passion, abandon, and fervor that they should not worry, that we should head to the roof, and enjoy ourselves as a perfect threesome…a holy trinity… without Lizzie.

But to no avail were my desperate efforts…a search ensued for the village idiot. We hunted high and low; she was not in the apartment, and not in the hall. At this point Mom was quickly losing what little composure she had, screaming, “Where is my baby girl? Where is my Lizzie?” I was sickened by such a display and could not understand her concern. Finally she pressed the elevator door, waiting for its stop on our floor. The doors slammed open and there stood the most brain-addled pug in existence. Did she hop off and throw herself into Mom’s open arms? No…she just stood there, frozen, as the doors closed, taking her on another journey. Mom and Dad both pounded the elevator button in order to bring Lame Lizzie back home, knowing they would have to snatch her quickly before the doors closed again. We couldn’t even calculate how long she had been traveling up and down since we weren’t aware of her absence.

Dear reader, as you can easily understand, this is not a gifted pug, and like the mentally challenged turkey who drowns in the rain from keeping its mouth open, Lizzie lacks all common sense. While I feel pleased to witness her sufferings for her transgression against Little Bear, it is almost a hollow victory.

Respectfully submitted,


Refresher: Mason + Little Bear = Love Affair

Again, another refresher...one dull and vacant looking pug and one highly alert and curious pug. The latter would not ride endlessly in an elevator.


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10 responses to “What Goes Up Must Come Down, or How Dumb Can One Pug Be?

  1. Pug Chick

    Hilarious!!! Oh poor idle minded Lizzie. Bless her heart. I love the way these are written from Masons point of view. Each and everyone cracks me up.

  2. Pug Chick

    Enjoy A Pugs Voice. Keepum comin.

  3. Oh, poor sweet simple Lizzie. I got a good chuckle out of this, though I am sure, it was *not* funny at the time. Have you happened to read about Simple Dog over at Hyperbole & a Half’s blog? I think you would like it 🙂

    • I agree about the “poor” and “simple” but not sure about “sweet” since she has caused no end of suffering. No, I haven’t read that blog but I shall. Thanks for writing.

  4. Mason,
    I hope you enjoyed your reprieve (no matter how short) from Lizzie’s presence. I’m sure she enjoyed her exciting adventure.

    • Sabrina,
      It was far too short to enjoy, particularly since I wasn’t even aware of her absence…I can only hope for another, more permanent, disappearance.

  5. Lexie, Chloe & Coco's Mom

    Your stories never fail to entertain me, Mason! I have very amusing mental images of Lizzie riding up and down in the elevator, never knowing where it may stop or whom she may meet . Maybe you can entice her to entertain us all with a brief synapses of her adventures that day?!
    In the meantime, we are happy she eventually found her way home, even if she didn’t receive the warmest welcome from a certain handsome pug brother.
    Have a wonderful Mother’s Day weekend. I’m sure you’ll treat your mom to lots of puggy kisses…I know that’s what I have in store here! (and happily so)
    ~Lexie, Chloe, and Coco’s mommy

  6. Such a funny story! I am happy that Lizzie was found safe and sound though. Will look forward to the next post!

  7. Hi Mason, I just found your blog from Twitter. I loved your story about your special needs sister…and realized we live in the same city. Maybe someday we can have a play date (I’m much smarter than Lizzy…we can make fun of her together). If not, I will keep reading about your fascinating life.

    Snorts, Snores, and Licks,

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