The Devil Wears A Onesie

What a summer it has been, dear reader, and my silence is due only to Grandma’s endless stream of guests visiting on Cape Cod. We were fortunate enough, however, to manage four visits and enjoy all of the pleasures this beautiful strip of land and sea offer. And while I would gladly regale you with tales of my chivalrous and exemplary conduct, I fear the opposite is more the case.

Returning to New York always puts me in a more– how should I phrase this?–aggressive and machismo state of mind. The mellowing and soporific effects of Cape Cod go by the wayside once we cross the Triboro Bridge and zoom down the FDR Drive to the Lower East Side. The difference is palpable and this old pug knows the route like the back of his paw. Living in Gotham requires a fortitude and quickness of reaction that is like nowhere else on earth…and so I become Devil Pug!

It is not something of which I am proud, but there it is, dear reader, a fact of my life.

I am ashamed to confess that I did the unmentionable, the unthinkable, the most abhorrent of all crimes…I bit the hand that feeds me, my dearest and most loving mother’s. It was on a Saturday morning when we always lie in bed and play – I, on my back with four little legs pedaling the air wildly and mouth agape, exposing the few little tooth like stumps remaining in my head – that I chomped down on her index finger like a Wolverine, never dreaming for a second that my bite had any teeth (so to speak). Well, blood came forth as my mother yelled in great pain. I am a monster, a devil, an evil creature with no means of atonement. And without prolonging the suspense, Mom ended up in the emergency room Sunday morning with a significant infection in her finger for which she received both antibiotics and a tetanus shot.

Another incident proving my satanic qualities is my seizure of the loaf of bread she brought from California for Dad. She, without thinking, thought the bread was secure (you will remember my bread episode of several years ago that sent me to the ER) and of course it wasn’t. It was laden with seeds, nuts, and other delicacies not fit for a pug. I proceeded to gorge until I was discovered. You would think I had learned my lesson but here is the thing about pugs, dear reader, we have no memories of unpleasant experiences…only of pleasant ones. I remember that bread tastes good but not that I was deathly ill from ingesting it.

I will continue on my hellish, bullish way, climbing over Lizzie as if she were merely a bump in the road and something to overcome. I will use her as a pillow or else ignore her completely. And while I am not the vilest of all creatures, I am certainly deserving of my sobriquet in today’s blog title.

Respectfully submitted,

Mason

Bitter and Sweet, Fair and Foul, The Best of Times and The Worst of Times

The weekend with my Cape Cod family passed by in a blur. After the greetings, the sniffings, pettings, exclaiming, and passing out of treats, it felt as if I were on a roller coaster ride at warp speed. This visit included, for the first time, Daphne and Cecily whose presence definitely had a great impact on the tone of our weekend. Remembering how I suffered so under Daphne’s reign of terror on the Cape, I let her have it immediately so that there could be no confusion. “This is MY house, bitch” (forgive me but that is the correct form of address for a female dog). After which, I attacked her. I felt so much better but unfortunately it did not deter her from aggressive behavior. She, within a few hours, had established herself as the alpha dog and ruled like a crazed despot.

Cecily resumed her nauseating relationship with Lizzie and they spent their house time cuddling and hiding out together. Whenever there was an altercation with Daphne they would climb into Lizzie’s bed and stare with wide innocent eyes. It sickened me.

On our walks, Daphne always drew attention…probably because she was the non-pug and people, for some strange reason, are drawn to Frenchies. And of course Cecily garnered many pats because she is the only black pug in our posse, which left Lizzard and me virtually invisible…like chopped liver!

While Grandma and Grandpa still lavished treats and attention upon me, I can see how the natural order has been disturbed. Physically, I am not the pug I once was and I am also much crankier and more demanding than ever. I tend to bark incessantly whenever I feel like it and I’m not the playful young pup of yore.  I don’t feel jealous of the newcomers, just mindful of the shift. I guess it is part of the aging process.

When they left Monday, I was surprisingly flat. The apartment was too quiet and we were too dull. But as long as I remain Mom and Dad’s number one pug, then I am content.

Respectfully submitted,

Mason

Still cutting a fine figure in the dog park

Here I am, trussed up like a turkey in my little back loader.