Tag Archives: betrayal

Taste For Taste, or Lame Lollipop Licking Lizzie

I’ve said it before but it bears repeating…Lizzie is probably the lamest pug on the planet. Now, of course, I am coming from a somewhat biased point of view, but nonetheless, she does sometimes astound me with her incredible idiocy. She is not alone, however, in this particular instance. My father was a willing and active participant in the event I am about to describe.

Mom was away the week before last, and during her absence Dad bonded closely with the little twit. She, each and every evening after work and walkies, would snuggle on the couch in a nook Dad made with his body, and there they would lie, close and content as two proverbial peas in a pod. I, having no interest in this sort of physical commingling, was content to rest, in dignified manner, on the rug.

When Mom returned from her week of travel there was an immediate shifting of couch positions in the evening. Lizzie, reverting to some atavistic or primal urge, quickly returned to Mom, seeking her spot in the crook of Mom’s legs where she curled up like the plump little partridge she is. Dad, who has a penchant for Blow Pops and is wont to suck two at a time, began sucking furiously as he viewed Lizzie’s treachery. Unfazed, Lizzie slept blissfully while the drama unfolded. From either side of Dad’s mouth protruded two walrus-like lollipop sticks, which he sucked on furiously as he pondered her betrayal and his hurt. I watched as, in final desperation, he lured Lizzie to his lap by pulling one of the pops out of his mouth and offering it to the object of his affection. Lizzie, being the weak-willed and sweet seeking pug that she is, succumbed without hesitation, taking the proffered pop into her mouth. Dad then removed it from her mouth and placed it back into his. This nauseating relay continued without interruption, until Mom, still jetlagged and drowsy, looked up in horror.

Well, dear reader, Dad got his silly pug back, but at what a price! I am still reeling from that visual. Mind you, it doesn’t disturb my sensibilities (I am a pug after all) but I cannot imagine my fastidious Dad, were he in his right mind, ever sharing ANY food item with a pug that cleans herself thoroughly on a daily basis. Truth is definitely stranger than fiction.

There you have it…is it true love or jealousy, or perhaps a combination of both? You be the judge.

Respectfully submitted,

Mason

The quality of this shot is poor (Mom's iphone) but at least you can get a sense of the drama.

4 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Two’s Company and Three’s a Crowd, or There’s Only So Much a Pug Can Take

Believe it or not, dear reader, I am not a pug who asks much of life.  I also consider myself to be fairly tolerant and accommodating. I alluded to there being too much excitement in my apartment lately and that is the topic to which I turn today.

I know Grandma is coming tomorrow, but not to see Lizzie and me. You are probably asking, “Why not?” and the answer is diabolically simple. She and my mom are traveling to Pennsylvania to “just look at” a French bulldog puppy. I, for one, am feeling a huge range of emotions…shock, confusion, betrayal, and outrage. The puppy is not for us, but for Grandma. I cannot understand why she would want to tamper with what is a fine and somewhat equitable arrangement. I mean, really, what is to be gained by such foolhardy and wanton behavior? Look at how I’ve struggled with the inclusion of one simple-minded, weak-willed, nincompoop of a pug (read “Lizzie”) into our family. And at Grandma’s I’ve had to endure the crack-addict antics of an adolescent female cat (read, Zoe) and her arrogant, dismissive consort (read, Oliver). I’ve dealt with all of these inequities with grace, dignity, and patience…but this is a low blow to yours truly. Forgive me, dear reader, but the last thing Grandma and Grandpa need is a peeing, pooping, puking little puppy!

Mom says that Grandma and Grandpa love us so much that they are having a hard time dealing with the yearly separation…that they need a full-time dog of their own. That they will always love us first and that we will still be there for our summers, and that blah blah blah. Does any of this sound familiar, folks? I make no apologies for my resentment. It is just another nail in my proverbial coffin.

I will keep you updated, rest assured.

Respectfully submitted,

Mason

Here she is...I just don't get it...

7 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized