Food, Glorious Food

Proverbs 23:2 proclaims, “Put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony,” but that directive seems a bit harsh to this venerable old pug. So the question in my mind is, “Is gluttony really a sin sin?”  I mean, if one reads the Old Testament closely, there are such heinous crimes being put forth as sins that gluttony seems small potatoes when compared to carving up babies, sleeping with or coveting your brother’s wife, or even murdering your brother.

All of which leads me to my most recent brush with the grim reaper. I find Monday mornings particularly rich in one regard…they tend to yield the mother lode of culinary street treats, leftovers, if you will, from the weekend’s bacchanalia. For a low rider, such as yours truly, these treats are easily obtained and always worth the small effort. On such a morning with Dad, Lizzie and I performed our ritual sniff, circle, and squat. Lizzie, of course, has no interest in the treasure trove the Lower East Side provides a true gourmand, such as I, but rather performs her tasks robotically with a mind always on the return to her bed. I, however, faced an unusually large, intact pizza crust in the middle of the sidewalk I was traversing. With no thought, acting only on pure instinct, I scooped it up and attempted to inhale it. Before I could even move this monster crust into my gullet, it lodged in my throat, blocking my air passage. I flopped onto the ground like a fish out of water, in full seizure mode. My eyes rolled back and my little legs stiffened and twitched madly. I remember hearing Dad say something about how he’d be damned if this was how I was going to exit this world, or maybe it was more like “not on my watch, mister!” In any case he reached into my gaping mouth, pulled out the offending crust, and threw it away. Recovering immediately, I hopped up and resumed trotting along, watchful for new orts.

My relating of this little tale brings us back to the question of gluttony and its sinful connotations. I realize gluttony is deemed a venial rather than mortal sin, but even that seems extreme. Was I, perhaps, lustful or greedy, rather than gluttonous? Or was my sin a combination of all three?  A pug is unique in this world in that once fed, he/she is ready to feed again immediately. It is in our DNA, our hardwiring if you will, but does that make us sinners? I don’t have biblical or even metaphysical answers to all of life’s imponderables, but I know I saw food, grabbed it, and Dad saved my life so that I could live to eat again.

Respectfully submitted,

Mason

Mom wresting my bone from me…

Doing what I love most…

Gluttony…My Favorite of the Seven Deadly Sins

The old expression, “He’s a glutton for punishment” has no bearing on today’s blog. I have no desire to ever receive punishment and yet my life seems filled with it. And then there are days when quiet, wholly selfish little prayers are answered for no explicable reason, after days and months of wishing and waiting for divine intervention. Such a day occurred recently, and while I feel certain the odds of it recurring are slim to non-existent, I will continue to pray for assistance.

On a typical work evening Dad came home before Mom, walked and fed us, before leaving for a business dinner. He left a note informing her of this and admonished us to be good until Mom came home. What else would we be, I always wonder when given this rhetorical directive? So, when Mom walked in the door, we did our usual dog and pony show of enchanting wiggling, wagging, and whining. Because she likes to feed us before taking us out, she proceeded to ask if we were hungry. What would any self-respecting pug do when faced with that query? We assured her we were starved and waiting patiently to be fed. Dinner number two was exquisite. I could savor leisurely each and every morsel since the edge had been removed from the first sitting. This felt right. I knew at that moment I had ingested the amount of food necessary for a man-pug like me and that all of the previous meals had been merely the appetizer course. I understood finally why I was always feeling such hunger. I had not been given man-pug portions!

It was only after we finished supping that mom discovered her error. Nothing could be done for it and she took us out with a heavy and concerned heart. After she returned from her Yoga class, she found a tick-like Lizzie, fully engorged with her four little legs held aloft, lying in obvious discomfort on her bed. I, however, was ready for another round.  And so, dear reader, what is gluttony for one, is hardly so for another. The pleasure I derived from seeing that stuffed little Porky Pig in distress almost equaled the pleasure of consuming a second meal.

Respectfully submitted,

Mason

Two hale and hearty pugs ready to grab scraps outdoors at Epstein's Bar in the Lower East Side.

Look at little Porky, ready to explode, while yours truly remains sleek and supple...unaffected by the additional meal.