Tag Archives: inexperience

Nobody Knows the Troubles I’ve Seen

You know, dear reader, that sometimes life blindsides us with such unpleasant maladies that we can’t help but wonder if we’ve done something really terrible to anger the gods. Two weeks ago the gods tested my fortitude, tolerance, and maturity.  My intestinal track was challenged in ways I found unimaginable and produced such a copious outpouring of vile excrement that even I was disgusted.

I fear that sharing this illness may offend some of my more sensitive readers, and for that I apologize, but the severity of that illness  left me weak as a kitten and without a great deal of dignity. Now some of you may be saying, “But Mason, you do have a diaper…why weren’t you wearing that helpful garment?” My answer to you, my well intended but highly naïve readers, is that wearing such a device in this situation would be analogous to catching the ocean’s incoming tide with a bucket.

My poor, inexperienced dad was overwhelmed and sleep deprived from mopping up after me throughout two nights. Mom was flying around the west coast on the corporate jet and not coming home until Friday night, which left only Dad in charge. He realized that a trip to the hospital was necessary since none of the usual treatments were working. After an assessment and a round of the appropriate drugs, yours truly was right as rain.

Since some time has elapsed since I began this entry, I must move forward. Lizzard and I are beginning our preparations for the annual migration to Cape Cod. In years past this has been a cause for joyful anticipation but this year I am feeling a sense of trepidation and concern. Grandma’s new dogs are definitely making me question the wisdom of this journey. Daphne, the Frenchie, is a handful (to state it mildly) and Cecily, the black pug, has serious breathing and jealousy issues. So I know that you, dear reader, are wondering how this will impact yours truly. I, of course, share these same concerns. Since I am in the autumn of my years, a certain amount of respect, deference, and attention is due me and my fear is that it will not be forthcoming in this new environment. Grandma is aware of my needs and wants to be accommodating, but the reality of four dogs and two cats may prove to be insurmountable. I will certainly establish my supremacy quickly and firmly, but Daphne, in her extreme youth and inexperience, is sure to breach my wall of power.

Stay tuned and send positive energy my way.

Respectfully submitted,


Lizzard and I enjoying nature's bounty

The youth in question

Daphne and Cecily together...formidable! Don't be fooled by their sleepy expressions.


Filed under Uncategorized