When Charles Colton coined the above phrase, I doubt he had in mind an annoying and clingy little pug named Lizzie that makes it her life’s work shadowing me. I am not a mean-spirited or spiteful creature, believe me, but sometimes a man-pug needs his space. When we are traversing the trails of Eagle Pond, I would like to commune freely with nature, and savor the olfactory offerings of decaying flora, fauna, and biota without little Miss Dainty Maid always hovering at my side.
When I go upstairs for a nap, I do not need her following in my footsteps. After I successfully complete an outdoor mission and return indoors, I do not need her begging for a carrot along side me, when she has done nothing! It is both annoying and frustrating.
She needs to remain in her own bed at night. Had I wanted a sleeping partner I would have asked for a double bed. I don’t understand why, in the middle of the night, she leaves her sheepskin nest and wedges her round little body into my tiny, ascetic bed – one designed for a single small animal. It is so tight a squeeze that I cannot move during the night.
She also needs to stop waiting for me on walks. She momentarily forgets herself, realizes I am not by her side, and then she does this disgusting little pirouette and runs back to me. I am really tired of her subservient antics.
I don’t know if she thinks I am flattered by her mimicry or if she just can’t help herself. Whatever the answer, she needs to stop. I do not object, however, to her defending me when dogs begin barking and snarling wildly at us. When that happens, she transforms herself into a crazed vixen, charging and barking without any fear or trepidation. I am always amazed when I see her go into this mode. I call her the “transformer” and it secretly pleases me no end.
I guess I’ll never understand females.