September | 2011 | A Pug’s Voice

First, dear reader, I am well, relatively happy, and trying to enjoy what few pleasures remain for a pug of my advanced years and infirmities. While I was unable to spend an entire summer on my beloved Cape Cod due to a vicious Frenchie named Daphne, who for some unexplained reason goes into a blind rage just seeing me walk about in “my home” (remember I was there first), and lack of bladder and bowel control, I was able to enjoy quite a few visits. Grandma has had company all summer and was unable to write her usual timely updates for me. She does, however, keep readers informed on my Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Mason-and-Lizzie/44314065749) and you should always check it out if you are concerned for our (read “my”) welfare.

As many of you may recall, I had a very serious episode this spring when I devoured Grandma’s 12 grain seeded bread in its entirety. Well, as Grandma is wont to say, “There is no fool like an old fool” and I guess those words are applicable to yours truly. But honestly, folks, this pug is starving…really! Is it too much to ask, at this stage of my life, that I be given working dog rations? After all, I bark incessantly, burning countless calories.

My mom’s sister from California was visiting and she very generously left her suitcase open, the guest room door as well, and then departed for the day with Mom, leaving Lizzie and me unattended. My nose quickly ascertained that there was some kind of food in her bag and so I enlisted the aid of my stupid but faithful sidekick…Lame Lizzie. Always eager to please me and gain my praise, she hied to, foraged wildly like a boar rooting for truffles, and came up aces! What a veritable treasure trove she unearthed in this copious bag…a sealed plastic bag with individually wrapped rice cakes dipped in carob. What joy! What bliss! What unadulterated euphoria! I can tell you honestly that I, not for one New York minute, hesitated before giving that plump little woodchuck the green light for opening these treats. She neatly scissored, on their seams, each little package and laid its contents at my feet. No frantic ripping and rending for that squirrely little pug…oh no, Lizzie’s approach is meticulous and precise, never giving a hint of her presence, other than the missing food.

I enjoyed myself thoroughly and was resting comfortably when the hammer fell. Home came the humans and Mom and her sister quickly discovered our activity. I was too sated to protest or throw Lizzie under the bus…and so I took my punishment like a man (a little man). Fortunately for me, there were no severe consequences necessitating a trip to the ER but I confess there was a copious amount of waste the next few days and I was denied dinner that night.

So, what could have ended poorly didn’t and I am right as rain again, ready to face whatever adventures fall into my lap (a little play on the current autumnal season).

Respectfully submitted,

Mason