Well, dear reader, it is the time of year when all pugs, whether they be Christian, Jewish, Muslim, or atheist, turn their thoughts to what gifts they would most like to receive. And to that end, I’ve spent my leisure time (read, alone in my apartment) compiling what I believe is a very thoughtful and thorough list of what most pugs honestly desire as gifts.
I’ve consulted with Lizzie briefly because, quite frankly, her wishes are so nauseating that I’ve had to edit out most of them. Here, then, is our ultimate wish list:
1. A steady supply of meaty, moist marrowbones without any imposed restrictions on frequency or location of their consumption. I will growl, snarl, and run away when approached while I am consuming.
2. One night, for just me and my mom…no Lizzie, no Dad…just me, enjoying some snacks and QT (quiet time) with her on the couch, watching TV or napping together.
3. Unlimited time in Grandma’s kitchen, while she prepares a huge feast, tossing me bits of whatever she prepares. Without any interlopers. Just me.
4. A leisurely stroll through Eagle Pond Preserve, where I can take as much time to sniff out interesting odors, wander off the trails, and lift my leg as often as I please without being urged to move forward.
5. An entire day riding around with Grandpa while he does errands that involve treats being doled out at every stop.
6. An excellent bully stick of extraordinary length and width…something a man pug can really sink his teeth into.
7. No salt on the sidewalks so that I am not forced into wearing the dreaded “paw condoms.”
8. Pizza night every night of the week, with the lion’s share going to yours truly.
9. No more toenail trims. Enough said.
10. Receiving treats I’ve never tasted before but will love immediately.
And there you have it…a thoughtful, respectable, and inexpensive wish list for this holiday season from a pug named Mason (and minimally Lizzie).